As parents, we’ve all witnessed those moments when our children’s frustration boils over into full-blown anger. Maybe it’s a meltdown over a broken toy or an outburst because it’s time to leave the playground. These moments can be overwhelming for both children and parents alike, but understanding the reasons behind these behaviors can help us guide our kids toward healthier expressions of their feelings.
Kids often have trouble expressing their anger in positive ways due to their still-developing brains. The prefrontal cortex, which helps with impulse control and emotional regulation, doesn’t fully mature until early adulthood. Instead, children rely heavily on their amygdala, the emotional center of the brain, which reacts to stress and frustration with a “fight or flight” response. That’s why younger children may respond to anger with physical outbursts or tears—they haven’t yet developed the tools to process and express those feelings constructively.
On top of this, many kids don’t yet have the emotional vocabulary to describe what they’re feeling, which adds to their frustration. Without the words to say, “I’m upset because I feel left out,” anger may come out as yelling or throwing objects.
But don’t worry! There are plenty of fun, practical ways to help kids develop their emotional toolkit and learn how to handle their anger in healthier ways. Here are a few activities you can try at home.
Kids love visual activities, and an “anger volcano” is a great way to demonstrate how anger builds up if left unchecked. Use a simple baking soda and vinegar experiment to show how frustration can lead to an eruption. As you build your “volcano” together, talk with your child about what causes their anger. When you’re ready to make the volcano erupt, explain that just like the bubbling lava, emotions can overflow if we don’t learn how to release them calmly.
Afterward, work together to think of “cool-down” strategies (such as taking deep breaths or going for a walk) that can prevent those eruptions from happening.
For younger kids, turning anger into a character can make the emotion less intimidating. Introduce your child to the “Anger Monster”—a silly, over-the-top character that comes out when they’re upset. Roleplay with them to practice telling the Anger Monster to take a nap or calm down. You can even use art supplies to create a drawing or puppet of the monster.
By externalizing the emotion, children can better separate their identity from their feelings. It also provides an outlet for discussion, making it easier for them to articulate what’s going on inside.
When anger takes over, it’s common for kids to hold their breath or take shallow, fast breaths. Balloon breathing is a fun way to encourage deep, slow breathing to help calm down. Ask your child to imagine they are blowing up a big balloon, taking slow, deep breaths in through the nose and then blowing out through the mouth. You can even use an actual balloon as a prop!
This exercise activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps slow the heart rate and promote a sense of calm. It’s a simple but effective tool for regaining control over overwhelming emotions.
Kids sometimes have a lot of pent-up energy when they’re angry, and they need a physical outlet. One fun way to help them burn off that extra energy is by creating an obstacle course or setting up a “mad dash.” Let them run, jump, and climb to release the tension. Afterward, you can sit down together to talk about what made them angry and how they’re feeling now.
Physical exercise increases the production of endorphins, which help reduce stress and improve mood. Plus, this activity gives kids a healthy way to express their anger while learning that moving their bodies can help them feel better.
A calm jar, sometimes called a “glitter jar,” can serve as a great calming tool for kids. Fill a jar with water, clear glue, and glitter. When your child feels angry, encourage them to shake the jar and watch the glitter swirl around. Explain that their mind is like the glitter—when they’re upset, everything feels chaotic, but if they take a moment to pause and breathe, the glitter will eventually settle.
This practice helps children focus on something soothing and gives them a visual representation of how taking time to calm down can help their emotions settle too.
Anger is a natural and healthy emotion, but children often need guidance on how to manage it in ways that don’t harm themselves or others. By using fun, hands-on activities, we can help kids learn valuable coping strategies and emotional regulation skills. Not only do these activities teach children how to deal with their anger, but they also foster communication and trust between you and your child, paving the way for healthier emotional expression as they grow.
So next time your child is angry, try one of these playful strategies and watch as they gradually build their emotional resilience!
Krista is a dedicated marriage and family therapist specializing in supporting families and children through emotional and relational challenges.
For more tips and insights on SEL, stay tuned to Elizabeth Cole’s blog, where we share more resources to help children grow into their best selves.
